I still haven't quite found where I want to go with this blog, so I'm going to try a few different things. I want it to serve a purpose other than being a place for me to randomly blabber on about nothing. I've discovered that I don't have the time to dedicate to discussing EVERYTHING that I want to, so I'm going to make things more specific. At least for a little while.
As most of you know, I've been on the path to a healthier lifestyle for a while now. I've been making a lot of different things in the kitchen and have thoroughly enjoyed it! I've always liked cooking, but I've found a whole new appreciation for it. I've been doing a lot of research on where our food comes from, and have learned some valuable lessons. Being able to incorporate those lessons into what I prepare and how I prepare it has been fulfilling. Almost empowering, ya know? I feel like I have more control over exactly what my family and I eat. There is a lot that the general public doesn't know about what is in our food (everything from potentially harmful artificial products to flat out poison) and how its processed. We've been kept in the dark for a long time now about what goes into our food, and educating ourselves and doing some digging about where it comes from, in my experience, can be a very rewarding thing.
So, my plan for the blog is to help people not only lose weight, but become accustomed to overall healthier eating. Even if you're not trying to lose weight, hopefully my advice will help you to make healthier choices and offer some sort of assistance. Some of the changes I've made are buying fresh local produce, opting for organic choices when I can, and just paying closer attention to the labels. Don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect and this change is still a work in progress. I understand its hard to make these changes when you're on a tight budget and trying to raise a family. There are still times where I either can't afford to buy the healthier options or don't have the access to them. But even small, subtle changes help!
Because its difficult for me to find the time to post on a frequent basis, I'm going to start off slow. My inspiration came from a great group of women that I've had the pleasure of knowing for almost 2 years now who are also focused on weight loss and a healthier lifestyle. I'm going to start by posting some recipes that I've tried. Some of you have been asking for them anyway, so I figured this would be a great place to share them!
I'll eventually add other things to the blog, but for now I think its best that I start small until I can figure out how to best manage it. Hope to see you all here!
Beck
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Its been far too long!
Hey all! Sorry for the huge lapse in posts. We've been without a computer for a while, and I just don't have the time or patience to type up a post on my phone. I've missed blogging, so I'm glad to be able to have the opportunity to do it again.
Its been just shy of 2 months since my last post. In those 2 months, I've struggled a bit with keeping up my weight loss goals. It began with a trip we took home for our niece's 1st birthday party. I didn't do too bad, aside from eating fast food during the drive to and from. The very next weekend was Braxton's 1st birthday party. Again, I didn't go crazy, but I also didn't track anything I ate. Tracking everything I eat and drink has been key to my success so far. From that point on it spiraled downward. My youngest brother, Jeff, graduated college in May. I was fortunate enough to be able to make the trip to New Jersey with the kids. We had a wonderful time. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how ya look at it!), the weekend was filled with wine...LOTS of wine...and some of the best food I've ever had in my life, which naturally meant it was unhealthy. When I got back home, I was in the mindset I've found myself in so many times before..."well, I've already screwed it up this much, a little more won't hurt." This has been my downfall every single time I've tried to continue losing weight in the past. I'd go right back to my old ways, and soon enough I'd find myself feeling like crap again. But its not like that this time! I'm happy to say that I am back to my healthy ways and am already feeling fantastic. This is the first time I've fallen off the wagon, picked myself up, and got right back on it! Well, not RIGHT back on it, but you know what I mean! I've learned that beating myself up and feeling guilty about my indulgences will do nothing but make it worse. I'm human, I make mistakes. I REFUSE to fault myself for that any longer.
Fortunately, I didn't do as much damage as I thought I had. I did gain 2 lbs back, but they'll come off. And so will the rest of it! As long as I continue to focus on my goals, I can do this. I'm sure there will be more set backs, but now that I know I can overcome them, I can't fail!
Its been just shy of 2 months since my last post. In those 2 months, I've struggled a bit with keeping up my weight loss goals. It began with a trip we took home for our niece's 1st birthday party. I didn't do too bad, aside from eating fast food during the drive to and from. The very next weekend was Braxton's 1st birthday party. Again, I didn't go crazy, but I also didn't track anything I ate. Tracking everything I eat and drink has been key to my success so far. From that point on it spiraled downward. My youngest brother, Jeff, graduated college in May. I was fortunate enough to be able to make the trip to New Jersey with the kids. We had a wonderful time. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how ya look at it!), the weekend was filled with wine...LOTS of wine...and some of the best food I've ever had in my life, which naturally meant it was unhealthy. When I got back home, I was in the mindset I've found myself in so many times before..."well, I've already screwed it up this much, a little more won't hurt." This has been my downfall every single time I've tried to continue losing weight in the past. I'd go right back to my old ways, and soon enough I'd find myself feeling like crap again. But its not like that this time! I'm happy to say that I am back to my healthy ways and am already feeling fantastic. This is the first time I've fallen off the wagon, picked myself up, and got right back on it! Well, not RIGHT back on it, but you know what I mean! I've learned that beating myself up and feeling guilty about my indulgences will do nothing but make it worse. I'm human, I make mistakes. I REFUSE to fault myself for that any longer.
Fortunately, I didn't do as much damage as I thought I had. I did gain 2 lbs back, but they'll come off. And so will the rest of it! As long as I continue to focus on my goals, I can do this. I'm sure there will be more set backs, but now that I know I can overcome them, I can't fail!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Healthy tips and some recipes!
I've been asked several times over the past couple of months what I'm doing to lose weight, to which I usually reply Weight Watchers! I got to thinking, though...not everyone is doing WW nor does everyone want to, so that may not be a very helpful answer. I decided to make a list of some different things that have helped me along the way, whether its a couple of recipes or just some words of advice, and want to share them with you. And you don't have to be on WW to use them! I can only hope they will help you as much as they've helped me!
Your mentality and attitude toward any change you make is key, especially when it comes to losing weight. Any goals you set need to be realistic and obtainable, not to mention healthy! You may think 120 lbs is the perfect weight, but you need to check and see if thats a healthy option for you. Personally for me, I would look sick at 120, and that's below any recommended weight for me anyway. My recommended weight ranges from 130-160 lbs, so I set a goal of 150 lbs. I know my body pretty well, and I feel like that is the perfect weight for me. That means I will need to have lost a total of 79 lbs. That's a pretty big number, but to keep it less overwhelming I've broken that down into several small goals. My first goal, as I mentioned in my previous post, is to lose 10% of my starting weight. I've only got 6 lbs to go! 20 lbs is much easier to reach than nearly 80 lbs, so I suggest breaking it down into smaller goals if you've got a lot of weight to lose.
Your definition of perfection may need to change as well. You'll need to learn that perfection is not, nor will it ever be, an obtainable goal in any aspect of your life. I actually just came to realize this on Monday! I had a couple of days last week where I wasn't quite as good as I have been. I used up all of my weekly points, which I never do even though they are there for me to use if I need them (don't worry if you're not on WW and don't know what this means). I got to feeling pretty guilty about it, so I went through some message boards on the WW site looking for some support. I came across a post that really made me feel better. The woman who began the thread mentioned that she had gone off track and felt like she had ruined her diet all together. Another woman replied with this...
"Oh please - that happens to everyone!! Remember this is a lifestyle not a diet and you can't expect to live your life to a perfection standard. I have accepted that I need to binge once in a while and I will do that for the rest of my life. When it's over, I get back on the program the next day. Learn to forget it and move on, that's the most important thing. Don't hate yourself for it, embrace the fact that you needed it at the moment, but now you're ready to get back to healthy eating. You have to remember this is a LONG TERM program, not a quick fix. If you think of it like a diet that you have to follow to a T or it's over, it will never work for you. WW is the best thing I've ever done for my life. I'm up some weeks, but down most weeks and overall just plain healthier. I'm 5 pounds from "goal" but I'm going to stay on the program forever. It's just a great way to eat, live and be healthy."
I feel like this applies to anyone trying to lose weight, not just those on WW. I love how she mentions that she knows she's going to have days where she eats whatever she wants and that she NEEDS those days. I think we all do! Anyone who has ever been on a diet knows that when you tell yourself you can't have something, you want it 10 times more than you ever did and you end up going nuts with it. Let yourself indulge every now and again! I would say there is at least one day a week that I let myself have something that I want, whether its "diet food" or not. If I want pizza, I eat pizza! I even had ice cream last night, and not the diet kind. I had enough points leftover that we went to Dairy Queen! I just make sure I make really good decisions about everything else I'm eating that day so I don't over do it. Or just learn to make your favorite foods in a way thats healthier. There are so many ways to tweak and adjust recipes. Usually all it takes is a quick search in google! Letting yourself enjoy the things you like every once in a while (moderation is another big key!) is essential to success, not only in losing weight, but in keeping it off.
Eating out is something I love to do, but unfortunately contributed greatly to my struggle with weight. While making meals at home is healthier, not to mention much more friendly on the wallet, eating out doesn't have to be done away with. You can still go out to eat, just plan ahead before you go. Check out the restaurant's website for their nutritional information and decide what you're going to have before you leave the house. Or, for those of you on WW, there is a wonderful website I want you to check out. It was created by a woman who lost more than 100 lbs through Weight Watchers. She has made a list of just about any restaurant you can think of and has listed the points value for just about everything on the menu. There is a lot more to offer on the site, and anyone can benefit from it (again, not just those on WW!!!). If I know we're going out to eat, the first thing I do is sit down and figure out what I'm going to eat and what the points are. Her website is http://www.dwlz.com/ and I highly, HIGHLY recommend it!
It won't be a matter of if you have a bad day, but WHEN. You will have bad days. And that's ok! It goes back to the unobtainable perfection we all seek. No one is perfect! You're only human! You have a bad day, you feel guilty, you get over it, move on and start fresh the next day! It really is as easy as that.
I came across a quote the other day that said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Some may use this as a mantra to stay in control. I, however, don't like it. To me it says the only thing you should focus on is being skinny. Just because one is thin doesn't mean they are healthy. Its important that you don't let the weight loss be your only goal. Making healthy food choices is something important not only for my own personal being, but for my kids too. I want to set a good example of how to eat healthy so they will do the same. Starving yourself isn't going to help you, at all. Nor do these fad diets with no carbs (your body needs them!), or this new HCG diet (craziest thing I've ever heard...google it if you want to know what it is) that only allows you to eat 500 calories a day. That's insane!!! Believe me, I've tried the fad diets. Yes I lost weight, but it also came back, with extra! You need to change the way you look at food. WW is teaching me how to eat all over again. This is a lifestyle change for me so that I can continue to eat this way for the rest of my life and keep the weight off. I know it can be difficult to make healthy choices, trust me. Running after an almost 1 year old who is into EVERYTHING while trying to do laundry, clean the house, make dinner, and run errands all the while trying to fit healthy foods into my diet is not an easy thing to do. But even little things can help. Have an extra helping of vegetables with dinner. Add a banana to your morning cereal. Drink a bottle of water on the way to the store. Every little bit helps!
I want to share a couple of food ideas and recipes with you. I'm going to try and add at least 1 new recipe or food idea each week, but we'll see...
One thing I've been talking about for the past couple of weeks is almond milk. It has more calcium than regular milk and has the same if not less amount of calories and fat. Plus, its delicious! I use the vanilla almond milk on my Cheerios. I also drink the dark chocolate almond milk when I need a chocolate fix. For those of you on WW, 1 cup of the vanilla has 2 points, and 1 cup of the chocolate has 3! Its the same amount as skim milk, but tastes SO much better.
Veggie Wrap with Hummus
Some may not like it, but I love hummus. I could eat it right out of the tub. Its a great alternative to mayonnaise or other fattening spreads and dips. I take a light wrap or flat bread, spread some hummus on it, and add as many vegetables that I can fit onto it. Its hearty, filling, and comes in at a measly 3 points depending on which wrap or flat bread you use! I use Flat Out light flatbread. For those that need something a little more substantial than veggies, add some plain tuna or chicken. This will make the points value different, but still en excellent and healthy choice.
Tofu Stir-Fry
Ok, so hummus and tofu are probably not number 1 and 2 on your list of favorite foods, but there are ways to make them taste great! Here is one way that my dad shared with me!
3 oz of tofu, cut however you'd like (if you don't have a food scale...and I don't...its about the size of a deck of cards)
1/2 Tbsp Olive Oil
As much onion, bell peppers, or other vegetable that you like that stir fries well
1/4 C shredded mozzarella
Old Bay, to taste
Heat olive oil in skillet or wok over medium-high heat. Add tofu and vegetables. Add as much Old Bay (or whatever seasonings you like) as you want. Stir-fry until vegetables are tender and tofu is a light golden brown. Remove from heat. Add cheese and more Old Bay. I add some hot sauce sometimes, too. Enjoy, at only 5 points :)
If any of you have any questions or are looking for a specific recipe, or maybe even a way to make one of your favorites healthier, let me know! You can get a hold of me through Facebook, or feel free to send me an e-mail at BeckaLou98@gmail.com.
Love,
Beck
Your mentality and attitude toward any change you make is key, especially when it comes to losing weight. Any goals you set need to be realistic and obtainable, not to mention healthy! You may think 120 lbs is the perfect weight, but you need to check and see if thats a healthy option for you. Personally for me, I would look sick at 120, and that's below any recommended weight for me anyway. My recommended weight ranges from 130-160 lbs, so I set a goal of 150 lbs. I know my body pretty well, and I feel like that is the perfect weight for me. That means I will need to have lost a total of 79 lbs. That's a pretty big number, but to keep it less overwhelming I've broken that down into several small goals. My first goal, as I mentioned in my previous post, is to lose 10% of my starting weight. I've only got 6 lbs to go! 20 lbs is much easier to reach than nearly 80 lbs, so I suggest breaking it down into smaller goals if you've got a lot of weight to lose.
Your definition of perfection may need to change as well. You'll need to learn that perfection is not, nor will it ever be, an obtainable goal in any aspect of your life. I actually just came to realize this on Monday! I had a couple of days last week where I wasn't quite as good as I have been. I used up all of my weekly points, which I never do even though they are there for me to use if I need them (don't worry if you're not on WW and don't know what this means). I got to feeling pretty guilty about it, so I went through some message boards on the WW site looking for some support. I came across a post that really made me feel better. The woman who began the thread mentioned that she had gone off track and felt like she had ruined her diet all together. Another woman replied with this...
"Oh please - that happens to everyone!! Remember this is a lifestyle not a diet and you can't expect to live your life to a perfection standard. I have accepted that I need to binge once in a while and I will do that for the rest of my life. When it's over, I get back on the program the next day. Learn to forget it and move on, that's the most important thing. Don't hate yourself for it, embrace the fact that you needed it at the moment, but now you're ready to get back to healthy eating. You have to remember this is a LONG TERM program, not a quick fix. If you think of it like a diet that you have to follow to a T or it's over, it will never work for you. WW is the best thing I've ever done for my life. I'm up some weeks, but down most weeks and overall just plain healthier. I'm 5 pounds from "goal" but I'm going to stay on the program forever. It's just a great way to eat, live and be healthy."
I feel like this applies to anyone trying to lose weight, not just those on WW. I love how she mentions that she knows she's going to have days where she eats whatever she wants and that she NEEDS those days. I think we all do! Anyone who has ever been on a diet knows that when you tell yourself you can't have something, you want it 10 times more than you ever did and you end up going nuts with it. Let yourself indulge every now and again! I would say there is at least one day a week that I let myself have something that I want, whether its "diet food" or not. If I want pizza, I eat pizza! I even had ice cream last night, and not the diet kind. I had enough points leftover that we went to Dairy Queen! I just make sure I make really good decisions about everything else I'm eating that day so I don't over do it. Or just learn to make your favorite foods in a way thats healthier. There are so many ways to tweak and adjust recipes. Usually all it takes is a quick search in google! Letting yourself enjoy the things you like every once in a while (moderation is another big key!) is essential to success, not only in losing weight, but in keeping it off.
Eating out is something I love to do, but unfortunately contributed greatly to my struggle with weight. While making meals at home is healthier, not to mention much more friendly on the wallet, eating out doesn't have to be done away with. You can still go out to eat, just plan ahead before you go. Check out the restaurant's website for their nutritional information and decide what you're going to have before you leave the house. Or, for those of you on WW, there is a wonderful website I want you to check out. It was created by a woman who lost more than 100 lbs through Weight Watchers. She has made a list of just about any restaurant you can think of and has listed the points value for just about everything on the menu. There is a lot more to offer on the site, and anyone can benefit from it (again, not just those on WW!!!). If I know we're going out to eat, the first thing I do is sit down and figure out what I'm going to eat and what the points are. Her website is http://www.dwlz.com/ and I highly, HIGHLY recommend it!
It won't be a matter of if you have a bad day, but WHEN. You will have bad days. And that's ok! It goes back to the unobtainable perfection we all seek. No one is perfect! You're only human! You have a bad day, you feel guilty, you get over it, move on and start fresh the next day! It really is as easy as that.
I came across a quote the other day that said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Some may use this as a mantra to stay in control. I, however, don't like it. To me it says the only thing you should focus on is being skinny. Just because one is thin doesn't mean they are healthy. Its important that you don't let the weight loss be your only goal. Making healthy food choices is something important not only for my own personal being, but for my kids too. I want to set a good example of how to eat healthy so they will do the same. Starving yourself isn't going to help you, at all. Nor do these fad diets with no carbs (your body needs them!), or this new HCG diet (craziest thing I've ever heard...google it if you want to know what it is) that only allows you to eat 500 calories a day. That's insane!!! Believe me, I've tried the fad diets. Yes I lost weight, but it also came back, with extra! You need to change the way you look at food. WW is teaching me how to eat all over again. This is a lifestyle change for me so that I can continue to eat this way for the rest of my life and keep the weight off. I know it can be difficult to make healthy choices, trust me. Running after an almost 1 year old who is into EVERYTHING while trying to do laundry, clean the house, make dinner, and run errands all the while trying to fit healthy foods into my diet is not an easy thing to do. But even little things can help. Have an extra helping of vegetables with dinner. Add a banana to your morning cereal. Drink a bottle of water on the way to the store. Every little bit helps!
I want to share a couple of food ideas and recipes with you. I'm going to try and add at least 1 new recipe or food idea each week, but we'll see...
One thing I've been talking about for the past couple of weeks is almond milk. It has more calcium than regular milk and has the same if not less amount of calories and fat. Plus, its delicious! I use the vanilla almond milk on my Cheerios. I also drink the dark chocolate almond milk when I need a chocolate fix. For those of you on WW, 1 cup of the vanilla has 2 points, and 1 cup of the chocolate has 3! Its the same amount as skim milk, but tastes SO much better.
Veggie Wrap with Hummus
Some may not like it, but I love hummus. I could eat it right out of the tub. Its a great alternative to mayonnaise or other fattening spreads and dips. I take a light wrap or flat bread, spread some hummus on it, and add as many vegetables that I can fit onto it. Its hearty, filling, and comes in at a measly 3 points depending on which wrap or flat bread you use! I use Flat Out light flatbread. For those that need something a little more substantial than veggies, add some plain tuna or chicken. This will make the points value different, but still en excellent and healthy choice.
Tofu Stir-Fry
Ok, so hummus and tofu are probably not number 1 and 2 on your list of favorite foods, but there are ways to make them taste great! Here is one way that my dad shared with me!
3 oz of tofu, cut however you'd like (if you don't have a food scale...and I don't...its about the size of a deck of cards)
1/2 Tbsp Olive Oil
As much onion, bell peppers, or other vegetable that you like that stir fries well
1/4 C shredded mozzarella
Old Bay, to taste
Heat olive oil in skillet or wok over medium-high heat. Add tofu and vegetables. Add as much Old Bay (or whatever seasonings you like) as you want. Stir-fry until vegetables are tender and tofu is a light golden brown. Remove from heat. Add cheese and more Old Bay. I add some hot sauce sometimes, too. Enjoy, at only 5 points :)
If any of you have any questions or are looking for a specific recipe, or maybe even a way to make one of your favorites healthier, let me know! You can get a hold of me through Facebook, or feel free to send me an e-mail at BeckaLou98@gmail.com.
Love,
Beck
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Winning the Battle Within...
This is something I've wanted to talk about for a long time now. Its going to be difficult for me to write this, but its something I need to do. I feel like I need to be as open as possible and completely honest in order for me to get everything I want to out of doing this blog. While this may not be a big deal to some people, what I'm going to talk about is something that has been a huge deal to me, and has done a lot of damage. As a part of the healing process, I need to get everything out in the open. So...lets talk weight...
As most of you know, I'm in the process of losing weight and striving for an overall healthier well-being. I know many of you are doing the same thing. Being overweight is something I've struggled with for quite a few years. When I was younger, I was very active in sports. I was always healthy and in great shape. It wasn't until after high school that I started putting the weight on.
I've dieted in the past, lost some weight, and felt good about myself for a little while. But the weight would always come back, and I found myself feeling even worse than before. This cycle kept going on and on until finally I just gave up. I had gotten to a point where I was ok with feeling like crap not only physically, but emotionally.
I remember saying to myself, "my friends and family love me no matter how I look, so why worry about it"? While that statement is true (I have amazing friends and family!), I never bothered to notice that even though I was loved by others, I was hated by myself. Looking at myself in the mirror in utter disgust was something I did daily, usually multiple times. I honestly and truly hated myself. I would stand in front of the mirror and pick out flaw after flaw. It almost became an obsession. No matter where I was, if I could see my reflection, the words would start flying around my head..."ugh, you're huge!", "you're skin is terrible!", "you're legs are disgusting", "look at how terrible you look right now." I was so hard on myself, and just thinking about it now bring tears to my eyes.
All I could focus on was how big that number on the scale was. At my heaviest (here comes the hard part), I was 259 lbs. I can't tell you how difficult it was for my fingers to press those 3 keys. There are only 2 people who know that number...myself, and Matt, and if it were up to me, he wouldn't know it either. Granted, I was 9 months pregnant when I hit that number, but that didn't make me feel any less horrible about it. That's closer to 300 lbs than it is to 200 lbs. Three. Hundred. Pounds. Talk about an eye-opener!
When I left the hospital after I had Braxton, I steadied out at 240 lbs...so, without being pregnant, I guess you could say that was my heaviest. It didn't really bother me at the time, though. I was so elated over having Braxton that I couldn't really focus on anything else...which was kind of a good thing. For the first time in a LONG time, I wasn't hearing that evil bitch in my head telling me how terrible I was. I was happy! I had a wonderful husband and two gorgeous sons...everything was great. But alas, it was short lived and she returned...
It was around August of last year, after a trip we took to go home. I went back and looked through some pictures that were taken, and immediately had an overwhelming sense of disgust. It almost felt like a punch in the stomach. There I was, in a bathing suit (what WAS I thinking), looking the worst I'd ever seen myself. It was like every word of hate that I had dismissed in the last few months since Braxton was born came in and hit me like a tidal wave. I couldn't do anything but bawl my eyes out. After feeling sorry for myself for a day or two, I decided to give Weight Watchers another shot. I had tried it in the past, and did quite well on it, but never stayed with it for too long. I started losing weight, and before I knew it I had dropped 18 lbs. I was starting to feel better about myself and the negative thoughts were becoming less and less apparent. Then, we found out we had 30 days to find a house, pack up everything, and move to NC. Needless to say, I stopped WW...again.
So, we did everything we needed to do and moved here to NC. Unfortunately, that evil bitch managed to sneak her way into one of the boxes and came with us. Her house warming gift to me was 8 lbs that I had left behind. There I was, miserable again and feeling a way no one should ever feel about themselves. It wasn't until the morning of February 15 that something kind of clicked...or snapped maybe? This other part of me finally woke up and said ENOUGH. Enough of the self-hatred. Enough of sitting around waiting for something to happen. Enough feeling this way! At that moment I sat down at the computer, signed up for WW for THE LAST time, and began this journey. This time it was different. I wasn't just trying to lose weight. I was determined to be happy with myself. Looking great on the outside means nothing if you look like shit on the inside. I know its cliche, but whats on the inside really is whats important! What good am I to anyone if I'm not happy?
Its been 7 weeks and 1 day. I am down 17 lbs (making for a total of 28 lbs since August), 2 pants sizes, and up a whole lot of happy. Not once has that evil bitch spoken a single word to me. And you know, its because she's not even there anymore. That other part of me though...she's my hero. She stood up to the hate and all the negativity. Instead of being beat up when I look in the mirror, I hear positive things. I hear how great those jeans I haven't been able to wear in years look. I hear how much prettier my face looks since I've found happiness. I hear how strong I am to have finally stepped up to get rid of the negativity.
I still have a ways to go both physically and emotionally. Finding a way to be happy is not something that happened overnight and its still a work in progress. My ultimate goal is to get to 150 lbs, which leaves me 62 lbs to go. I'm setting smaller goals for myself along the way, though, instead of one big goal. Its much less overwhelming that way. My first goal is to lose 10% of my starting weight. I'm happy to say I am 6 lbs away from doing just that. As far as my goal of being happy...well, I am! I can't believe how different I feel just from 7 weeks ago. I still need to work on some things, and its going to take a lot of effort. But anything thats worth it takes hard work. And I am definitely worth it.
I sincerely thank every one of you for taking the time to read this. It took a lot to get it all down, especially sharing those icky numbers with you. I've never shared them with anyone before, and while I felt a little ashamed typing them and sharing them, I've got to say its pretty damn liberating. I don't feel like I'm hiding behind those numbers anymore. I feel like it will keep me honest and hold me accountable. I also know that one day, those numbers won't even matter. I also hope that maybe it will help someone going through something similar. Feeling that way sucks, and no one should have to go through it alone. Its good to have someone to relate to, so if there is anyone reading this going through something like that, please do not hesitate to talk to me about it. I will be more than happy to help!!!
I'm working on another post where I'll share some different tips and pointers that have helped me along this journey. I'm trying to get it finished tonight, but this one took up a good bit of time and there is far too much laundry to get done, so it may not be up until tomorrow. Either way, make sure you check it out! I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!!! :)
So much love to all of you,
Beck
As most of you know, I'm in the process of losing weight and striving for an overall healthier well-being. I know many of you are doing the same thing. Being overweight is something I've struggled with for quite a few years. When I was younger, I was very active in sports. I was always healthy and in great shape. It wasn't until after high school that I started putting the weight on.
I've dieted in the past, lost some weight, and felt good about myself for a little while. But the weight would always come back, and I found myself feeling even worse than before. This cycle kept going on and on until finally I just gave up. I had gotten to a point where I was ok with feeling like crap not only physically, but emotionally.
I remember saying to myself, "my friends and family love me no matter how I look, so why worry about it"? While that statement is true (I have amazing friends and family!), I never bothered to notice that even though I was loved by others, I was hated by myself. Looking at myself in the mirror in utter disgust was something I did daily, usually multiple times. I honestly and truly hated myself. I would stand in front of the mirror and pick out flaw after flaw. It almost became an obsession. No matter where I was, if I could see my reflection, the words would start flying around my head..."ugh, you're huge!", "you're skin is terrible!", "you're legs are disgusting", "look at how terrible you look right now." I was so hard on myself, and just thinking about it now bring tears to my eyes.
All I could focus on was how big that number on the scale was. At my heaviest (here comes the hard part), I was 259 lbs. I can't tell you how difficult it was for my fingers to press those 3 keys. There are only 2 people who know that number...myself, and Matt, and if it were up to me, he wouldn't know it either. Granted, I was 9 months pregnant when I hit that number, but that didn't make me feel any less horrible about it. That's closer to 300 lbs than it is to 200 lbs. Three. Hundred. Pounds. Talk about an eye-opener!
When I left the hospital after I had Braxton, I steadied out at 240 lbs...so, without being pregnant, I guess you could say that was my heaviest. It didn't really bother me at the time, though. I was so elated over having Braxton that I couldn't really focus on anything else...which was kind of a good thing. For the first time in a LONG time, I wasn't hearing that evil bitch in my head telling me how terrible I was. I was happy! I had a wonderful husband and two gorgeous sons...everything was great. But alas, it was short lived and she returned...
It was around August of last year, after a trip we took to go home. I went back and looked through some pictures that were taken, and immediately had an overwhelming sense of disgust. It almost felt like a punch in the stomach. There I was, in a bathing suit (what WAS I thinking), looking the worst I'd ever seen myself. It was like every word of hate that I had dismissed in the last few months since Braxton was born came in and hit me like a tidal wave. I couldn't do anything but bawl my eyes out. After feeling sorry for myself for a day or two, I decided to give Weight Watchers another shot. I had tried it in the past, and did quite well on it, but never stayed with it for too long. I started losing weight, and before I knew it I had dropped 18 lbs. I was starting to feel better about myself and the negative thoughts were becoming less and less apparent. Then, we found out we had 30 days to find a house, pack up everything, and move to NC. Needless to say, I stopped WW...again.
So, we did everything we needed to do and moved here to NC. Unfortunately, that evil bitch managed to sneak her way into one of the boxes and came with us. Her house warming gift to me was 8 lbs that I had left behind. There I was, miserable again and feeling a way no one should ever feel about themselves. It wasn't until the morning of February 15 that something kind of clicked...or snapped maybe? This other part of me finally woke up and said ENOUGH. Enough of the self-hatred. Enough of sitting around waiting for something to happen. Enough feeling this way! At that moment I sat down at the computer, signed up for WW for THE LAST time, and began this journey. This time it was different. I wasn't just trying to lose weight. I was determined to be happy with myself. Looking great on the outside means nothing if you look like shit on the inside. I know its cliche, but whats on the inside really is whats important! What good am I to anyone if I'm not happy?
Its been 7 weeks and 1 day. I am down 17 lbs (making for a total of 28 lbs since August), 2 pants sizes, and up a whole lot of happy. Not once has that evil bitch spoken a single word to me. And you know, its because she's not even there anymore. That other part of me though...she's my hero. She stood up to the hate and all the negativity. Instead of being beat up when I look in the mirror, I hear positive things. I hear how great those jeans I haven't been able to wear in years look. I hear how much prettier my face looks since I've found happiness. I hear how strong I am to have finally stepped up to get rid of the negativity.
I still have a ways to go both physically and emotionally. Finding a way to be happy is not something that happened overnight and its still a work in progress. My ultimate goal is to get to 150 lbs, which leaves me 62 lbs to go. I'm setting smaller goals for myself along the way, though, instead of one big goal. Its much less overwhelming that way. My first goal is to lose 10% of my starting weight. I'm happy to say I am 6 lbs away from doing just that. As far as my goal of being happy...well, I am! I can't believe how different I feel just from 7 weeks ago. I still need to work on some things, and its going to take a lot of effort. But anything thats worth it takes hard work. And I am definitely worth it.
I sincerely thank every one of you for taking the time to read this. It took a lot to get it all down, especially sharing those icky numbers with you. I've never shared them with anyone before, and while I felt a little ashamed typing them and sharing them, I've got to say its pretty damn liberating. I don't feel like I'm hiding behind those numbers anymore. I feel like it will keep me honest and hold me accountable. I also know that one day, those numbers won't even matter. I also hope that maybe it will help someone going through something similar. Feeling that way sucks, and no one should have to go through it alone. Its good to have someone to relate to, so if there is anyone reading this going through something like that, please do not hesitate to talk to me about it. I will be more than happy to help!!!
I'm working on another post where I'll share some different tips and pointers that have helped me along this journey. I'm trying to get it finished tonight, but this one took up a good bit of time and there is far too much laundry to get done, so it may not be up until tomorrow. Either way, make sure you check it out! I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!!! :)
So much love to all of you,
Beck
Friday, April 1, 2011
Back to the point...
I think I'm going to call it quits on the 30-Day Challenge. I could finish it out, but I've become quite bored with it. Its beginning to feel more like a chore. This blog is something I want to enjoy, something that I want to do. Not something I feel like I have to do. So, time to get this thing back on track!
Today is one of those days that you either anticipate with great excitement or dread with immense disdain. I fall into the latter category. I hate...HATE...April Fool's Day. I suck at pulling pranks and I believe everything I hear...a deadly combination for days like today. So please, don't prank me. I'm too easy. I am counting down the hours until tomorrow. The only good thing about today is that its my cousin's birthday. Happy Birthday, Rob! :)
There are two things I'm needing to talk about today. Here's the first...
We are a military family, so naturally we live in a military town. There are signs of it everywhere, whether its sitting in base traffic, driving past a unit training on the side of the road, or seeing the hundreds of signs families hang up along the road welcoming their loved one home from deployment. Another thing you see is decals and stickers on cars. They're pretty common, so I tend to not pay close attention to them. Yesterday, while I was on my way home from running some errands, there was a large decal on the back windshield of the car in front of me. It was a Fallen Soldier Memorial, the one with the boots, rifle, and helmet. I've seen them before, unfortunately. It usually has the picture along with "In Loving Memory.." with the name of the Fallen.
The size alone caught my eye, but there was something else that got my attention. It said "In Loving Memory of my husband..." along with his date of birth, date of death, and name. It brought a huge wave of emotion over me. I turned down the Bon Jovi I was playing rockstar to and felt this incredible sadness. That woman in front of me got THAT knock on her door. The one where the men dressed in uniform tell you your loved one won't be coming home. The one that every military family fears more than you can imagine. Then I started wondering...was she alone? Was anyone there to catch her as she fell? Was there anyone there to help console her? Does her family live nearby or far away? Did they have kids that she had no choice but to remain strong for, all the while trying to deal with her husband's death? How is she doing now? Does being surrounded by military every single day make it worse? Does it help? What would I do...
That's the moment that it hit me. I mean really hit me. I've thought about it before, what if something happened to Matt? Everyone does. But this time was different. One day that could just as easily be me in that car with the Fallen Soldier decal for my husband. Do you know how terrifying a thought that is? Of course I know some of you know exactly how terrifying a thought it is because you've had the same one. Yes, there are some who have perhaps a higher chance of something like that happening (which has something to do with my next thing I want to talk about), but its something every military family thinks about. And its valid! No matter what the job or where they go, something could always happen. And yes, something could just as easily happen walking down the street here or driving to work. But when going down in the line of duty is added to list of things that could happen...that makes it completely different.
Please, don't think I'm morbid or someone who sits around constantly thinking of things that could happen to my husband. Very rarely do I think of it. But in reality, its something I occasionally have to about. We need to have a plan in case, God forbid, something were to happen. And that goes both ways. We need a plan if something were to happen to me as well. Its really something every family needs to have, not just military families.
Onto my next topic of discussion!
So I mentioned a paragraph or two ago about some jobs in the military being more dangerous than others. There are some families who may worry more and see their loved one much less than others. However, in no way, shape, or form, does that mean the families who may need to worry less and get see their loved ones more often don't have a right to be upset or angry when their loved one does in fact need to go. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard "Well at least your husband....." Seriously? Shut up. Ok, your husband has done 5 tours and he's gone more than he's home and is in more danger than maybe someone else's husband...I get it, and that really sucks. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it and I will pray for his safety and for your peace of mind. But don't you dare tell me I don't have the RIGHT to miss my husband or be upset that he's deployed or going to deploy or hell, even if he's on a training mission for a couple weeks. My husband had training for 8 weeks 15 minutes down the street and got to come home sometimes, and guess what? I still missed him! What is it with some people? Its like the guy who always has a story that will out-do yours. There are just some people that you will never have it worse than (according to them). Truth is, someone ALWAYS has it worse than you no matter what the situation, so instead of turning your nose up and scoffing at the woman who is missing her husband that is out in the field for 2 "measly" weeks, or whose husband is on a ship and for the most part out of harms way, or whatever the situation may be, while your's is kicking down doors and dodging bullets in Afghanistan, embrace her. Relate to her. Comfort her. Tell her what you do to help pass the time or what keeps the smile on your face while he's gone. There was a time when you were in her shoes. Don't forget that. We need to be there for each other, not turn against each other in a war of "Who's got it worse." Most of us don't have family near us, and each other is all we have to rely on.
I'm not speaking of anyone specifically, but this is something I've heard go on so many times. I heard it when Matt was in Kuwait, and I can't tell you how much it pissed me off. Most of the military wives I know do not do this, but there are some out there that do. I can only hope that anyone reading this that has found themselves to start a sentence with "Well at least your husband..." will think before they speak next time. And if you're one of those who is there to support your fellow military spouse no matter what their situation...kudos :)
I better leave off here. The groceries aren't going to buy themselves...although I wish like hell they would! I've got to say it felt good to get all of that out, and even better that I feel I'm getting back to what I want this blog to be. I had some help with realizing what it needed, and to that person I thank you. You know who you are :)
Have a GREAT weekend!
Beck
Today is one of those days that you either anticipate with great excitement or dread with immense disdain. I fall into the latter category. I hate...HATE...April Fool's Day. I suck at pulling pranks and I believe everything I hear...a deadly combination for days like today. So please, don't prank me. I'm too easy. I am counting down the hours until tomorrow. The only good thing about today is that its my cousin's birthday. Happy Birthday, Rob! :)
There are two things I'm needing to talk about today. Here's the first...
We are a military family, so naturally we live in a military town. There are signs of it everywhere, whether its sitting in base traffic, driving past a unit training on the side of the road, or seeing the hundreds of signs families hang up along the road welcoming their loved one home from deployment. Another thing you see is decals and stickers on cars. They're pretty common, so I tend to not pay close attention to them. Yesterday, while I was on my way home from running some errands, there was a large decal on the back windshield of the car in front of me. It was a Fallen Soldier Memorial, the one with the boots, rifle, and helmet. I've seen them before, unfortunately. It usually has the picture along with "In Loving Memory.." with the name of the Fallen.
 |
| Example of the Fallen Soldier Memorial |
That's the moment that it hit me. I mean really hit me. I've thought about it before, what if something happened to Matt? Everyone does. But this time was different. One day that could just as easily be me in that car with the Fallen Soldier decal for my husband. Do you know how terrifying a thought that is? Of course I know some of you know exactly how terrifying a thought it is because you've had the same one. Yes, there are some who have perhaps a higher chance of something like that happening (which has something to do with my next thing I want to talk about), but its something every military family thinks about. And its valid! No matter what the job or where they go, something could always happen. And yes, something could just as easily happen walking down the street here or driving to work. But when going down in the line of duty is added to list of things that could happen...that makes it completely different.
Please, don't think I'm morbid or someone who sits around constantly thinking of things that could happen to my husband. Very rarely do I think of it. But in reality, its something I occasionally have to about. We need to have a plan in case, God forbid, something were to happen. And that goes both ways. We need a plan if something were to happen to me as well. Its really something every family needs to have, not just military families.
Onto my next topic of discussion!
So I mentioned a paragraph or two ago about some jobs in the military being more dangerous than others. There are some families who may worry more and see their loved one much less than others. However, in no way, shape, or form, does that mean the families who may need to worry less and get see their loved ones more often don't have a right to be upset or angry when their loved one does in fact need to go. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard "Well at least your husband....." Seriously? Shut up. Ok, your husband has done 5 tours and he's gone more than he's home and is in more danger than maybe someone else's husband...I get it, and that really sucks. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it and I will pray for his safety and for your peace of mind. But don't you dare tell me I don't have the RIGHT to miss my husband or be upset that he's deployed or going to deploy or hell, even if he's on a training mission for a couple weeks. My husband had training for 8 weeks 15 minutes down the street and got to come home sometimes, and guess what? I still missed him! What is it with some people? Its like the guy who always has a story that will out-do yours. There are just some people that you will never have it worse than (according to them). Truth is, someone ALWAYS has it worse than you no matter what the situation, so instead of turning your nose up and scoffing at the woman who is missing her husband that is out in the field for 2 "measly" weeks, or whose husband is on a ship and for the most part out of harms way, or whatever the situation may be, while your's is kicking down doors and dodging bullets in Afghanistan, embrace her. Relate to her. Comfort her. Tell her what you do to help pass the time or what keeps the smile on your face while he's gone. There was a time when you were in her shoes. Don't forget that. We need to be there for each other, not turn against each other in a war of "Who's got it worse." Most of us don't have family near us, and each other is all we have to rely on.
I'm not speaking of anyone specifically, but this is something I've heard go on so many times. I heard it when Matt was in Kuwait, and I can't tell you how much it pissed me off. Most of the military wives I know do not do this, but there are some out there that do. I can only hope that anyone reading this that has found themselves to start a sentence with "Well at least your husband..." will think before they speak next time. And if you're one of those who is there to support your fellow military spouse no matter what their situation...kudos :)
I better leave off here. The groceries aren't going to buy themselves...although I wish like hell they would! I've got to say it felt good to get all of that out, and even better that I feel I'm getting back to what I want this blog to be. I had some help with realizing what it needed, and to that person I thank you. You know who you are :)
Have a GREAT weekend!
Beck
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 22 of the 30-Day Blog Challenge...
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Mom's (and some Dad's!) everywhere will get me when I say "what purse?" I haven't carried one since Braxton was born. My purse in now a diaper bag! So, I will tell what is in it...
Diapers
Wipes
Powder
Diaper rash cream
Changing pad
Toys
An extra outfit
Formula/Solid food and spoons, with extra!
Cheerios...in and out of their proper receptacle. Those things spread like wildfire.
Sunscreen
Alcohol wipes
Nail clippers
Then there is my crap. Wallet. Phone. My Kobo. Personal items. That's it.
This is my most boring post ever....
Night, ya'll!
Beck
Mom's (and some Dad's!) everywhere will get me when I say "what purse?" I haven't carried one since Braxton was born. My purse in now a diaper bag! So, I will tell what is in it...
Diapers
Wipes
Powder
Diaper rash cream
Changing pad
Toys
An extra outfit
Formula/Solid food and spoons, with extra!
Cheerios...in and out of their proper receptacle. Those things spread like wildfire.
Sunscreen
Alcohol wipes
Nail clippers
Then there is my crap. Wallet. Phone. My Kobo. Personal items. That's it.
This is my most boring post ever....
Night, ya'll!
Beck
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Day 20 & 21 of the 30-Day Blog Challenge...
I keep getting a little behind on this thing. I didn't have the computer yesterday and refused to do it from my phone...so deal with it:)
Day 20: Nicknames
I don't know if Becky/Beck is considered a nickname, since they are just short for my actual name Rebecca, but I'm called one of those two by most people that know me. My Uncle used to call me Scooter when I was little (I think...). My favorite nickname is Becka Lou. A past co-worker started calling me that one day about 5 years ago and it just stuck, and also spread!
While Beck...or Becky...or Rebecca if I'm in trouble, is my name, I tried changing it once. When my parents registered me for school they asked what name I would like to go by (for kids with names like Michael, who might go by Mike...Jennifer who might go by Jen...you get it). I was still called Rebecca at that time, but I guess my mom wanted to know if I'd like to go by maybe Becky or Becca in school. I thought for a moment, and responded with...Kimberly! I haven't managed to find a culture where Kimberly is short for Rebecca, so Becky it is.
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
I literally just spent an hour looking through all of the pictures I have on the computer. I can't really say any of them are my favorite of ALL TIME...but I really like this one...
Day 20: Nicknames
I don't know if Becky/Beck is considered a nickname, since they are just short for my actual name Rebecca, but I'm called one of those two by most people that know me. My Uncle used to call me Scooter when I was little (I think...). My favorite nickname is Becka Lou. A past co-worker started calling me that one day about 5 years ago and it just stuck, and also spread!
While Beck...or Becky...or Rebecca if I'm in trouble, is my name, I tried changing it once. When my parents registered me for school they asked what name I would like to go by (for kids with names like Michael, who might go by Mike...Jennifer who might go by Jen...you get it). I was still called Rebecca at that time, but I guess my mom wanted to know if I'd like to go by maybe Becky or Becca in school. I thought for a moment, and responded with...Kimberly! I haven't managed to find a culture where Kimberly is short for Rebecca, so Becky it is.
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
I literally just spent an hour looking through all of the pictures I have on the computer. I can't really say any of them are my favorite of ALL TIME...but I really like this one...
This is a picture of my cousin, Jen, and myself. I have no idea when it was taken, or even where. My guess is maybe at our Grandparent's house? Not sure. But anyway, I like this one because I have a lot...A LOT of wonderful memories from when I was younger with my family. My family, on both sides, meant so much to me, and still do. Almost every single one of my fondest childhood memories involve times at either my Grandma and Grandpa's or Nana and Pop Pop's house, and this picture just reminds me of one of those times. Plus, we look ridiculously cute :)
I haven't given much of an update lately, so I'll take the time to do that now...
Yesterday, Matt found out that he is going to be deploying with the 24th MEU. Basically, he will be on a ship that goes out to sea with a few other ships. They go out to perform certain missions, and are kind of on a "on-call" status as well. If something were to go down, they would go wherever their assistance is needed. We don't know exactly where he'll go yet, or when. But he is going. We originally thought sometime this fall, but now we're thinking early next year, since they will be relieving the 22nd MEU and that is around when they are scheduled to return. Either way, we have time to prepare.
Andrew is doing well. Yesterday, he was supposed to start practice with the golf team we signed him up for, but their coach deployed. So now we're just waiting for them to find another one. He's really been looking forward to it, so it kind of sucks. But things happen, so hopefully they will find another coach soon. He hasn't really had much else going on. Just been busy with school and playing with his friends!
Braxton is also doing well. His 7th tooth came through this week, and we felt every bit of it! I'm so glad it finally pushed through. He was miserable! He's so mobile now. He's been doing this kind of inch worm army crawl thing for a little while now, but now he's crawling on all fours. He's doing great with standing himself up and walking along the couches and cruising. He wants to walk, I know he does. He just needs to get his balance down. He babbles non stop. He's definitely saying something, we just can't understand a word of it! He says a few words, though. He still says dog, he points to things and asks whats that...although it sounds more like "Whssat?", he says "All Done!", and he says Andrew! Its so funny to hear him "talk." He points his finger and shakes his fist and says all sorts of things that I'm sure make sense to him. He does so many funny things that are really hard to explain. I'm doing my best to catch them on camera for everyone to see.
As for me, nothing super new is going on. I've mentioned that I'm going back to school, hopefully this summer, and I'm so very excited about it. My "diet" (I still HATE calling it that!) is going great! I just started my 6th week (which is crazy!) today, and I've lost 16 pounds! I am so very happy about that and I'm really proud of myself. I'm starting to notice physical changes too, which is good. Its discouraging when you're working your butt of and don't actually see the changes, so I'm glad its becoming noticeable. All of my jeans are too big to wear, aside from 2 pairs that were too small before (hooray!), so its definitely starting to pay off. I am 7 pounds away from reaching my first goal. Just typing that made me smile :)
And because I just saw the video via Facebook and am super excited, I want to share that our niece, Eloyse, is walking!!! My heart swelled with happiness and pride when I watched it. My niece is walking!!! I can't stop smiling! :):):)
That's all I've got. See ya tomorrow :)
Love,
Kimberly errrr...I mean Beck...
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