Day 3: Your first love
I'm going to be incredibly cliche in this post...consider yourselves warned.
I've been thinking about this question and how I was going to answer it since I started this challenge. I came up with three different answers, and for the sake of being true to what I want this blog to be, I'm going to be honest and give them all. (Come on, you weren't expecting a simple short answer to this, were you?)
I've had what I consider three 1st loves. Each one is different, which is why I can't just give one answer to this. My first love, in the traditional sense, was Andrew's dad. We started dating in 9th grade. He was my first "real" boyfriend. I fell quickly, and fell hard. Looking back, I was so young, and really didn't know what love was (told you there would be cliches...), but whatever my definition of it was back that, I was in it. I'll leave it at that, in fear of digressing to the point of no return. And I don't mean that in a 'I don't want to talk about it' sense, I just know I'll ramble on...like I'm starting to do now.
My second 1st love, and the point in my life where I feel I discovered it's true meaning (I think we'll count that as cliche number 2), was my son, Andrew. You don't realize just how true the phrase "you won't know true love until you have children" is until...well, you have children. The process in which Andrew came into my life was anything but orthodox (I don't mean that technically...we all know how he got here...). At that time my life was so confusing and down-right depressing, and to be perfectly honest, I thought having Andrew would make it worse. Wow, that was terribly hard for me to type, but its how I felt at the time. I didn't understand, and I was scared out of my wits. But the moment he was born and I looked at him for the first time, I had this totally overwhelming emotion and immediately knew everything had changed. I can't describe it as anything but true, unconditional love. While the circumstances in which he came about were not ideal, I believe everything happens for a reason (number 3), and there isn't one thing that I would change, for better or worse. It has shaped me into who I am.
My third first love (this is sounding silly to me now), is Matt. He was not my first boyfriend. He was not my second boyfriend. He was not the first guy I said "I love you" to. In fact, I felt so broken and damaged when we first met that I didn't think loving someone was even an option for me at that point. As much as I tried fighting it, the walls, the fence, the barriers, and the rest of the fort I had built around my heart, were totally destroyed by him (number 4, coming in strong!). For the first time, I gave not only my entire heart, but my entire being to someone, and got it back in return. We were so meant to be its not even funny (I'm losing count, keep track in your heads now). Its been almost 9 years since we started dating. We've been through A LOT, but stood strong TOGETHER through it all. He has given me a 2nd gorgeous son, a home, and a life I can be proud of. There isn't anything that we can't withstand.
Well, there is Day 3. As always, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed sharing it. One side note before I go...the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan earlier today has been and will continue to be incredibly devastating. If you pray, please say one for them. If you don't, send your thoughts. Either way, be thankful for everything and everyone in your lives that you love. In the blink of an eye it can all be taken away. Take nothing for granted.
So much love to you all,
Beck
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