Its not that often I have time on my hands to do nothing, so I'm taking full advantage of that to go ahead and write another blog entry. Braxton is asleep, Matt has duty until tomorrow, and Andrew is outside playing. I'm exhausted, and would love to take a nap, but I know as soon as I lay my head down Braxton will be awake, sooooo...
I signed Andrew up for the base golf team today. He's really excited to begin practice. Unfortunately that won't begin until the end of March, but he's already started practicing. In fact, I'm hearing the shots ricocheting off the house as we speak...>:-/ I also swung by the exchange to pick up a couple short sleeved shirts for Braxton. It almost hit 80 today (woohoo!) and I realized all of his shirts are long sleeved, so now he has a couple things for this nice weather! He's always so good for us when we go out, and today was no exception. He even flirted up a storm with the cashier and a cute set of twins...like father like son! :)
I happened to notice when I got home, after running around all morning, that the center stone fell out of my wedding band. I'm pretty sure its covered under our renter's insurance, but I'm still really upset about it. I don't want to put either of my rings back on until I can have them checked to make sure none of the other diamonds are loose, so my hand is going to feel very naked for a bit.
I'm thinking about going back to work. I really don't want to. Not because of the working part. I don't want to leave Braxton. I give so much credit to the moms who go back to work. I mean, I went back to school and work after I had Andrew, but at least I could leave him with my mom. Even then, its hard to leave them. But we really need the extra income, so I'm looking for something I can do evenings and weekends when Matt is home so we won't have to worry about leaving him with someone we don't know or having to pay for daycare. I'm actually thinking about either offering in-home daycare (after getting the proper certifications, of course) or starting a residential cleaning service. Neither are my dream job, but its money, and would hopefully solve the issue of not wanting to leave Braxton. I'm looking into all of the requirements, so I will keep you updated. I'll work nights if it means I don't have to leave Braxton with a stranger.
There is something that terrifies me about leaving Braxton with someone so I can go to work. At least with someone I don't know. I don't think its irrational, and I believe is something every parent can relate to. But I am genuinely terrified. There are so many bad people in the world today. I know there are still plenty of good, but its so hard to decipher between the two anymore! And even if you do find a good one, accidents happen. Anything can happen. Not that it couldn't happen when he's with us, but I at least then I am in control, or so it feels anyway.
I came across a blog the other day through a post on Facebook. It's author is a woman my age, and she and her husband became parents for the first time just this past October. She is a teacher, and went back to work after her maternity leave was up. Just last week, she received a phone call that her 4 month old baby girl had stopped breathing and was being taken to the hospital. Unfortunately, they could not save her. They aren't sure what happened, but they are leaning toward SIDS. All they know is the sitter put her down for a nap, and when she went to check on her she was blue and wasn't breathing. She has been blogging about it ever since, I believe as a way to cope. Reading her thoughts about what her and her family are going through just crushes my heart. I tried telling Matt about it and just cried. I can't even begin to imagine losing my babies. Her blog is incredibly touching, and I read it daily. Matt asks me why I do that to myself. As far as I see it, this is her therapy. This poor woman is putting all of her thoughts, sorrows, and feelings down for people to see as a way to deal with this...I feel as a mom I at least owe it to her to read them. While it is heartbreaking to read, it is also touching, and is something that has stuck with me since I came across it...which is why I'm sharing it with all of you. You can choose to read it, or not. But I wanted to at least give you the option.
Kellie and James Staats' blog
It never ceases to amaze me how people can pull together in times of tragedy. Some of you may have noticed that I've posted a link to an online auction today. The auction was put together by a woman who owns an online boutique and came across the blog the same way I did. She was so touched, that she has been working incredibly hard since then to bring in donations to put up for this auction. She has hundreds of items up for bid. All of the proceeds will go to the Staats family to help offset the cost of the funeral and anything else they might need. A bunch of total strangers, who have never met the family, have come together to help. It brings tears to my eyes to think that not all hope in the world in lost. I ask you all...PLEASE check it out. If you can't make a purchase, at least spread the word. While nothing can bring their daughter back, having some of the financial burden lifted from their shoulders will be helpful. At the very least, please keep this family in your prayers!!!!
Tiny Wings auction for Maddie #1
Tiny Wings auction for Maddie #2
I feel like this entry might be a bit scattered...but thats ok. I am definitely scatter-brained at times! I think this is where I'll leave off tonight. Braxton is up from his nap anyway, and I need to start dinner. Its chicken, baked potato, and broccoli tonight. I am really enjoying eating healthier. Tomorrow is my first weigh in, so hopefully I will have good news to report!!! As always, thanks for reading!
Love to all,
Beck
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